The BodyPart Seller
by MumsTheWord
Summary: Crossover between The Gun Seller and House M.D. Published April 23
1. Chapter 1

This is a crossover of 'House M.D.' and The Gun Seller by Hugh Laurie. I don't own neither or some of the lines I will be using in this fanfiction. The characters/most of the story line belong to Hugh Laurie and Fox. I will be rewording and using many a line from The Gun Seller, if you've read it, you will immediately notice and know that 80 percent of these witty lines came from the book. All I can hope is you enjoy it. So don't forget to review! Oh, and I'll still be updating Chrissy while I write this, so no need to worry!

Love,  
MumsTheWord

Word Count: 902

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Imagine you have to break someone's arm. 

Right or left, doesn't matter. The point is that you have to break it, because if you don't…well, that doesn't matter either. Let's just say bad things happen if you don't.

Now, my question goes like this: do you break the arm quickly or do you drag the whole business out for a good eight minutes, every now and then increasing the pressure in the tiniest of increments, until the pain becomes pinks and green and hot and cold and altogether howlingly unbearable? Oh, and don't forget the guy happens to have a bum leg and suffer from chronic pain.

Of course knowing that, you'll go with the quick snap- whoops, sorry mate didn't mean to press that hard, will really I did, but let me help you with that splint.

Unless.

Unless unless unless.

What if you hate the other person? I happen to know a lot of people don't like me. I have the limp, two scars on my face, and bruised balls to prove it. If I were them and they were me I would go painstakingly slow. But that's not the right thing to do, is it? Even if they do really really _really_ hate you. Damn, I better stop talking about morals before Cameron hears of this. Anyway, I hate whoever hates me too, and just about every other person. Oh, but then there's the whole whacking the person with the cane bit.

If you haven't figured it out by now, the arm we are discussingcurrently is mine. And, I would like to point out the fact that I quite like my arm. Really, it's quite a nice arm, and I'm quite attached to it. I'm already short one limb, wouldn't want to lose another. But, the man behind me doesn't seem to agree with my point of view. The fact that the man behind me is gripping my wrist and driving it up my spine with an almost sexual degree of care has pointed that out to me.

Oh, and he's taking forever.

His name is supposedly Ted Armison. I'm starting to think that the name on the clipboard was fake. After all, not many people that want to assault a doctor in an open clinic would give their real name, right? That and I suppose also that being the only doctor working the clinic with the only nurse working clinic out for lunch doesn't help either.

Quite a dilemma don't you think?

I, however, had one thing working in my favor. I had yet to say anything or make a noise. If Wilson were here coffee would be coming out of his nose. For I tend to have a tendency (tend to have a tendency?) to never shut up -at all- about everything and anything. I guess I haven't made any noise because I'm too focused on this hand-to-hand combat. It's been a while you see, since I've had a full on brawl. People tend to leave cripples alone.

Apparently not this person.

I deduct this would be a good time to start making some sort of noise.

So I decided to scream.

I inhaled deeply through my nose and let out a scream of such blinding, shocking, what-the-fuck-was-that intensity that I even frighten myself quite badly.

The scream had its desired effect though. It caused the guy behind me to let go for about a twelfth of a second. Now you might be thinking that's not a lot, but in reality it's quite helpful. Enough time for the man behind me not to notice the clinic room door opening and a large-scale model of a brain coming into contact with the side of his head, definitely a lot of time.

Okay, okay, maybe it was one-eighth of a second.

Anyway, so the guy collapses relieving my arm from that terrible pain and I slide down to the floor. My arm hurts. A lot. More than my leg even right now. And that's saying something.

"House, what the hell is going on?" the person who wielded the brain said. I mentally sighed, my arm hurt and I didn't feel like answering questions right at the moment, but Cameron was my duckling and she did just save my life, or my arm at least.

"I'd thought being killed would've been a pretty good assumption from your point of view." I replied rubbing my elbow. It hurt still, and probably would for the next week so I popped a couple of vicodin. I could see her ready to open her mouth once again but another person beat her to it.

"Dad!" the girl said running into the room. "I heard yelling." The girl looked dumbly at Cameron, the person on the floor, and I. Cameron and I felt the obligation to return the stare. "Where's Dad? He was waiting for the doctor in this exam room." I went to answer but this time I was cut off.

"Sarah?" Cameron said to the girl staring with wide eyes.

"Allison?" 'Sarah' said back with the same expression. I couldn't keep my mouth shut for much longer.

"Wait, you two know each other?" Then I was once again cut off by a man walking into the room.

"Sarah?" the man questioned. "I thought you were waiting in the cafeteria for me."

I assumed this was the Mr. Woolf that had left before I arrived.

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What do you guys think? Pretty good so far? 

Flames? Comments? Questions? Obligations?

Come on, click the button. You know you wanna click the button!

:) MumsTheWord


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2... hopefully it matches up!

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As you can probably guess, a four-way staring match started after that. I stared at Cameron, Cameron stared at Sarah, Sarah stared at Mr. Woolf, who in turn stared at me starting the whole starting the whole cycle over. It was quite annoying really, seeing as I don't like staring at me.

After those annoyingly annoying five minutes, I decided to stand up. I would've said my leg hurt, but my mind was focusing on the arm pain so I didn't mind much. Now, there is where I made the mistake. Standing up. What could be wrong with standing up you're probably asking yourself.

Absolutely nothing. Plus, I wanted to stretch.

The only problem was that I gave Cameron a straight lane to the door. You would probably be me and think there's nothing to worry about, it's only Cameron. But, alas… before I knew it, I had my arms around a running Cameron.

I must say, she has quite a nice body. Anyway, back to the point.

So Cameron begins to struggle and gets ready to yell. But, I, being the smart man I am put a hand over her mouth.

"Cameron, what the frick is wrong with you?" I lifted my eyes from the struggling Cameron and saw Mr. Woolf leaning against the wall with a sad look on his face and Sarah closing the door and learning against it.

Cameron tried to scream and bite the palm of my hand and I told her to be quiet because I wasn't going to hurt her unless she shouted. She shouted and I hurt her. Pretty standard in my opinion really.

Alright, alright. I didn't really hurt her; I just threatened to fire her. Seemed to work really well in my opinion.

Cameron calmed down, and I loosened my grip and took my hand away from her mouth. I kept her body against mine though, it felt nice, but no one needs to know that.

"Okay, what the hell is going on here?" I asked with my arm still around Cameron's waist. Damnit! Got to stop thinking about that.

"They-" Cameron started but was quickly cut off by Mr. Woolf.

"We can't discuss this here Allison. We'll take care of it over dinner. Eight PM, Vince's, try not to be late. I would recommend both of you not stay in the hospital right now and probably go somewhere safe. " Mr. Woolf motioned toward his daughter to go and they left together hurrying through the still empty clinic. House sighed loudly and rolled his eyes.

"I almost get killed, and now I have go to dinner with the person that probably hired my killer." I sighed deeply leaning my head back against the wall. Then it hit me, well, two things hit me. One, I still had Cameron in my arms, two, there was a unconscious person on the floor. I stared down at 'Tom' . "Do we just leave him there?"

Cameron shrugged herself from my grip and I just watched in confusion as she headed toward a drawer full of syringes. She grabbed one and headed over to 'Tom' shoving his left arm sleeve up. Cameron jabbed the needle in his arm emptying the whole syringe then putting the needle in his right hand.

"As far as we're concerned, _Tom_ here, saw a empty clinic and was going for another fix." Cameron said standing up and straightening her lab coat. I nodded and followed her out of the clinic room to a still empty clinic.

"Why is there always no one in clinic when I actually want to do clinic?" I asked no one in particular.

Some how we arrived at my apartment and I was getting Cameron a glass of water from my, well, kitchen. Couldn't really get it from anywhere else, right? I took a glass from the cupboard and headed over to the freezer for some ice. I was really in some deep shit wasn't I? Someone had tried to kill me this morning, and now I was off to diner with someone Cameron obviously despised and wanted caught. I sighed deeply limping over to the sink to fill the glass.

That's when my usual self started to kick in. Why did Cameron start freaking out when she saw Woolf and his daughter? Time to enforce the cynical self for some answers, so I limped out to the living room.

"Your water." I said placing it on the table. I straightened up and saw Cameron still with her coat out spread out over my couch lightly snoring. "I guess you're tired." I stared at her chest slowly rising up and down. She really was beautiful wasn't she? FLIPPIN! HELLO! I'm not supposed to be thinking about this, remember? Why didn't you warn me or something? Some reader you are! Anyway… it was only eleven in the morning, we still had nine hours to wait… nine hours, in my apartment alone. Why does this stuff always happen to me?

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Flames, suggestions, comments, dinner, luncheons...

D

MumsTheWord


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